my BODY knew I was on the wrong path before my brain even did

My brain felt like it was filled with pop-rocks, noisy thoughts clicking & bursting & fizzing all over the place, too loud to keep track of them all.

A chest & belly so tight, as if my daily to-do list was a girdle around my midsection, so tight I couldn't even catch my breath... and yet I still couldn't stop myself from adding even more things to the list.

My fragmented sleep even more disrupted than normal, to where I'd just give up around 3 am and start watching old episodes of Bob's Burgers & Krapopolis, silently begging my shoulders to soften, my jaw to unclench, my back to stop bunching up, and pretty pretty please with a cherry on top for my brain to shut the F up and just leave me alone.

And yet, on the surface (translation: what most people saw in person, in passing, and on my Instagram page), I was OK. Doing what I loved (or thought I did), and making progress on an exciting new project.

But my BODY was telling a different story.

And it's only a pretty recent discovery/lesson of mine to actually listen to what my body tells me. (And to do what it says.)

And at that point, my body was very clearlytelling me that I'd made a wrong turn somewhere.

Even though my intentions were pure.

Even though I'd already made loose promises & declarations.

Even though I'd put in hours of work & made some decent progress.

And even though I was doing something I was really, really GOOD at.

My body didn't care.

Because what I was doing was no longer good for ME.‍ ‍

So I stopped.

I stepped away from the computer, my checklists, my well-developed & incredibly detailed plans.

And I took myself out for a walk in nature to help clear my mind, relax my body & settle my soul.

(Which is easy to do, given that my house is 30 minutes away from the forest here in Central Oregon. BONUS... my dog Nibbler always appreciates a day she gets to race along the trails instead of the park.)

So I took days off to contemplate.

To hit the reset button on my body.

And to listen.

And only when my baseline had calmed enough did I start thinking again of the project I'd been working on...

But maybe thinking is the wrong word.

Because I closed my eyes & started feeling into it.

Imagining myself doing the work I was doing, and continuing down that designated path.

And pretty damn quickly, my belly grew tight & my breathing became shallow.

Well, damn. That decided it.

Because when all is said & done... I didn't go through all the transformations & fires of these past years only to do more of the same stuff that led me to burnout in the first place.

Even if it IS something I'm freakishly GOOD at. And USED to love doing.

So if you're still here reading this lengthy explanation, here's the announcement that I'd hoped I wouldn't have to share:

I will NOT be creating that video series teaching others how to create their own websites.

Because what seemed so simple at first glance accidentally awakened the great slumbering perfectionist & over-achiever in me, to where I started placing my ENTIRE focus on the education process... creating multiple slideshow videos & tutorials & worksheets... rather than simply creating & sharing my process as I redid my own site. And the more I leaned into the must-impart-all-of-my-knowledge side of it all, the further away I got from my OWN projects I'd intended on spending my time & energy on, and the reason for me continuing my biz in the first place.

This video series project started taking on a mind of its own, taking over mine... and thrusting me back into my old patterns instead of aligning with my newer & healthier ones.

And I also realized that my next step in my own biz wasn't as simple redesigning my website. Turns out, I needed to redesign my business, first.

So that's where I'm at right now.

Taking a step back for a few weeks, and getting back to the basics.

Reconnecting with my WHY, and remembering how to put it into words.

Doing a LOT of writing lately, and I know I'm on the right track because the words keep coming. As do the good vibes. (Head to my blog to read some more.)

And now, I'm back to working on some BIG THINGS in the background. But I'm not announcing them quite yet, as I'm still feeling my way forward.

But the Universe is awesome, and the path is already opening for me.

With deep breaths, big smiles, better sleep, and so many good feelings happening... assuring me that I'm back on track, and on the right path this time.

Because it's FEELING GOOD in my body, heart & soul.

Love,
Chel