just start somewhere
For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don’t have a 10-year plan. Hell, I don’t even have a ONE year plan.
Because life as a US citizen is pretty precarious right now. And for those of us who are actually awake & aware as our country crumbles from the guise of democracy into full-fledged fascism, it’s exhausting.
And for us deep-feelers, there’s literally NO WAY to just keep doing “business as usual” when most of what we’ve been taught on how to do business is built on the capitalistic notion of keeping our heads down and hocking our wares.
But when people are LITERALLY being kidnapped in our streets by masked men, and Democrats are being murdered in their homes, and protestors are getting arrested for expressing what are supposed to be their First Amendment rights, and our President starts a war, and the sheeple in Congress go along with whatever this mad man says even though it doesn’t make any sense most of the time…
It’s pretty damn hard to get excited about creating new artwork & asking you to “buy my new tshirt!”
I mean… come on. Really?
::sigh::
So I’m here. Some days, I’m barely present. Numbed out on the couch & staring ahead at the tv, watching comfort shows I’ve seen a million times because it’s all I can do to turn off my brain for a while so I don’t end up a sobbing mess on the floor that would take too many days to mop up.
I’m coping.
But here’s the thing. I know… I KNOW… that JOY is an act of resistance. So I am trying.
As a start, I’m noticing my moods, my body, and any tiny tingles of joy. And I’m actively carving out space and time to FEEL the joy. To act on it. And to share it & pay it forward whenever I can.
And keeping THIS in mind as my guiding light at the moment… I am finally FINALLY feeling little sparks of hope again. Of the desire to CREATE. And yes, the desire to maybe even sell a tshirt or two?
So here’s where I am, right now:
I might not have a 10-year plan, or even the desire to create one.
But I’ve got a VISION. Yes, it’s still a bit fuzzy, but it’s there. And the more I stop ::thinking:: about it and actually DO things aligned with it, the clearer it becomes.
Of what I want, and what I don’t want. What fulfills me, and what drains. What I want to learn/become/do more of, and pieces I’m ready to shed and never do again.
And the thing I keep coming back to is THIS:
I don’t know what life will look like in 10 years, 5 years, or even ONE year from now. I don’t know how much time & freedom I’ve got left to DO what I want, when I want, how I want. So it’s time to step out of survival mode, and start actually LIVING. Before that time runs out.
I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of numbing out, day after day, with the energy to maybe get ONE thing done before I’m back on that couch again, staring at the tv and letting the hours pass.
So this is me… hitting the START button on life as I want it to be.
It’s gonna get messy. And weird. And there will be stops & starts, and probably lots more of these rambling notes to come, as I unfurl my thoughts and just put them out there.
But I’m up off the couch, and actually a little bit excited to see what’s next.
Who’s with me?!